When are you having kids? Do you want any kids? How many do you want? OMG you would be an amazing mom though. Why not?! You HAVE to have kids. Don’t be selfish! That’s not fair. Clock’s ticking. You’re not getting any younger. Well my coworker’s friend Susan has been trying to have children and she’s been having a hard time getting pregnant. Mel, what’s going to happen if you can’t get pregnant?
O M G!!! OMFG! Stop! Leave me alone! Can I live?! Story of my life.
You don’t hear me saying “When are you going to get rid of that “baby weight”, Cheryl? Jacob’s almost 5?” Most will disagree with me on this comment, and say it’s totally not the same. If you really think about it though, it kind of is. Just like most would feel offended to be pressured into losing weight, most feel the same about getting pregnant. You do not know what that person is going through or their struggles- if any. Whether your intentions mean well or not, it usually comes off that way. Call it what you want to call it, but most people take this baby topic so lightly as it is no big deal to just blurt out “when are you having kids” and put in your two cents that “you’re not getting any younger” “clock is ticking” as If I was born yesterday. “No s*** Helen. I had no idea I was getting older every year. Thank goodness I have you to remind me otherwise, what on earth would I do?!”
I’m going to get into the most exhausting, annoying, eye-rolling topic of my life. This whole baby talk has been weighing over me for what seems like forever, and I want to share my thoughts and address it. So have a seat. Get comfortable. Stay awhile because it’s going to be a long one.
Ready? Ok, let’s get into it… Let’s talk babies, shall we.
Taking it back to high school: Everyone around me seemed to have had it all figured out. “Once I find the one, we’re going to get married and have kids right away because I want to be a young mom.” – God forbid you’re 30 and barely having your first child. OMG so old! (insert eye-rolling emoji here).
Most girls have that first-comes-love-then-comes-marriage mentality and think that, that is how everyone should live by. I disagree. Why can’t people live their entire lives without children? And not be called selfish? Why do people assume you have to have children once you’re married? Who said this is the way everyone needs to live their life? Why can’t being in a relationship with or without children be the norm? Without having that shocking look on your face as if something terrible just happened? Why is it so frowned upon? WHY?
Fast forward to college: Still not a clue in the world as to what I was doing. Clueless college student? Pretty normal if you ask me. Trying to figure out what I’m doing – career-wise, relationship-wise, etc… Still no desire to be a mother – quite possibly the only thing I was certain of… Is that so wrong? Don’t get me wrong children are awesome, but I had zero intention to have them. I never had that motherly instinct nor desire to have one. What is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me?
2014: Engaged. Over the moon. Happy, happy, happy. Any baby fever? Eh, not really. Still being asked the most obnoxious question of my life, constantly bombarded with tons of confused comments because they don’t understand me, and why there’s no sign of pregnancy yet. It’s like a broken record at every family/friend function. “When are you going to have kids?” Geez, I just got engaged! What about “When’s the wedding?” That seems to be the most appropriate question to ask someone who just got engaged, right?
The questions and comments about babies were overflowing and coming in strong, and I mean strong. I can hear my grandmother saying “You don’t have much time. What are you waiting for? Mija, your clock is ticking. You have to have kids soon. Pero porque no?” At this point I’m suffocating… my anxiety is in full effect. I start overthinking things. All the what ifs are pouring down on me… drowning me. My inner Hannah Horvath from Girls kicks in – because yeah my brain functions just like Hannah’s. GEORGE HATES IT. I come across articles online about tragedies that have happened to people. OMG, what if something happens to me? What if something happens to George? Life IS short. Should I freeze my eggs just in case? Now I’m in full barf mode. Overthinking EVERYTHING. Feeling so stressed, pressured, emotional, frustrated. Thinking of the absolute worse. Paranoid about everything – even what seems impossible to happen in real life. Do you guys remember the movie Get Out, the scene when Missy Armitage is hypnotizing Chris and he’s falling down this never-ending black hole…? Yeah, well that is how I feel when the baby subject comes up.
2016: Another year older. Happily Married, but still no baby(s). Baby fever? Maybe. Ok, slow down. Everyone, calm down. I said maybe. But then it quickly goes away. FINALLY, some got the hint and backed off… I said some.
2017: Change of heart? Desire to be a mother yet? Any chance of baby fever? Yes. Sure. Maybe. And not because I allowed everyone around me to get inside my head or let anyone convince me to have a change of heart. No one made this decision for me. People sometimes change their minds. And that’s ok. I was never completely against having children. I know I mentioned earlier that I had no intentions of having children because that is how I felt at the time. Now fast forward to today – things are slightly different. It’s called being a human.
Ok, here’s my advice on this baby topic…
Something that I think everyone should be mindful of is that it’s not easy for everyone to get pregnant, so be careful when it comes to this topic. Don’t make assumptions under any circumstances. If you’re out with your girlfriends and notice your friend isn’t drinking, don’t right away jump to conclusions and assume she’s pregnant. She may or may not be pregnant. Maybe she’s on a diet or on medication that doesn’t allow her to drink alcohol. Maybe she’s struggling with fertility that she may not be ready to speak about. Or maybe she’s just not drinking because she simply doesn’t feel like it. Stop. Asking. 21. Questions.
I guess what I’m trying to say is – to be mindful, think before you speak because these insensitive remarks, harmful questions & pressure, can be hurtful. You never know what someone is going through whether or not they want children. If they want children – great. If they don’t want children – great. Leave it at that. End of story. Change the subject. The end. PERIOD. If people do not want to have children – don’t ask why not. If people do want children but don’t have any yet – don’t ask why not. Stop speculating! Everyone is entitled to live their life their own way. It’s not your life to decide for others on how they should live theirs. Be respectful. Respect their privacy and decisions. Don’t make assumptions either. Just like it’s someone’s choice to try and get pregnant, it’s their choice not to. Stop judging.
Ok, end rant because I’m exhausted.
I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this topic. If you have any stories or input on this, feel free to comment below. 🙂
Completely off subject, but if you want to shop my outfit, all links are listed down below… lol!
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